Nicknames: Giver, Caretaker, Helper, Nurturer, Advisor, Manipulator
Energetics: Externalize & Projective - project emotion and image
Hidden Essence: Love, Divine Compassion
People with the Two pattern seek love and connection by desperately trying to please everyone. They believe they can only be loved or cared for by manipulating and willing things to go their way.
They are often dissatisfied in relationships and feel their needs are not being met, which leads to feeling disconnected and lost. So they do nice things for people so they will be liked and feel connected. They get their sense of self from their connection to others, they feel lost without this.
They are very emotional, project feelings onto others, and believe that others are causing their emotions. If they feel sad they wonder if you are sad or believe that you are causing their sadness. If they are hungry they may ask if you would like something to eat or drink. They may only realize that they are hungry if you refuse their offer of food.
They create an illusion and image of being independent, satisfied, and evolved beyond needs. They sacrifice to the point of depletion and become enraged when the people close to them can’t guess what they might want.
When they perceive injustice, they may go into a temporary rage and afterward feel shame and anxiety. They fear they destroyed their image and desperately try to prove that they are authentically caring and giving.
They are upbeat, positive, perky, and have a lot of energy. They are also gushy, sweet, and bubbly. A positivity comes from denying their needs and trying to get people to like them.
Because they feel unlovable and believe they don’t deserve to be loved they contrive a pleasing image. There is a deep unconscious belief that having needs is unattractive and will push people away.
They usually have a cute demeanor, look/seem younger than their age. Some of their youthful appearance is from their expression.
Their energy projects outward - feels like it is coming toward you. There is a reaching out quality, like they are trying to feel inside of you.
They are often unaware of the effect they have on others. Some are drawn to them, enjoying their generosity, others are put off by their intrusiveness.
Children with the Two pattern learn to put other's needs first - to give in order to receive - and that love must be earned. They try to read the needs in the family and see how they could fulfill them.
They often learn to please the opposite sex parent and this becomes a special relationship, which causes a difficult relationship with the same sex parent. It also leads to a triangulation, which is often carried out in adulthood.
SELF-PRESERVATION - THE CUTE CHILD
They are needy and seem like children who want their way. They have an unconscious believe that if they act like children others will take care of them. But they also go out of their way to please.
SOCIAL - THE AMBITIOUS
They can’t get enough accomplished and always have another achievement in mind. They are more serious than the other subtypes. They have a passion for being superior - can be aloof - but also the advice giver.
SEXUAL/ATTRACTION, THE SEDUCER
They try to be irresistible and use beauty and giving to get a hold of desired person. They want someone to provide everything for them and seek out the person in power. They seduce by being flexible with a “dumb blond” kind of charm.
1 WING, THE SERVANT
They are self sacrificing to relieve the suffering of others. Tend to be in the background. More judgmental, opinionated, and tight lipped. They try to contain anger, and more introverted.
3 WING, THE HOST
They are ambitious, have more energy, and are very productive. They are less drawn to people please. Their anger is less contained and they are more extroverted
Victim, manipulative, entitled, angry, martyrs
Displaced anger, self important, intrusive, people pleasers, and advice givers
Giving, empathic, unconditional love of self and others, able to say no, be direct, confrontational, firm, or disappointing, still ego based.
Authentic love and kindness is known deeply and true compassion flows naturally.
ESSENCE - DIVINE LOVING COMPASSION
The essence of each type is the quality of character - a particular expression - that remains when the fixation softens and releases. While these qualities are human they are not personal and cannot be developed.
The essence is revealed when fixation is recognized and freed through awareness and compassion. We all have the potential to realize the essence of our type - our more subtle authentic nature. This authenticity means living from open, free, wholeness.
The essence of the type One is grounded, relaxed purity.
Each type has a blind spot that creates a unique experience of separation. Each blind spot is directly related to the essential nature of each type. People with the Two pattern have a blind spot for compassion and love.
This blind spot prevents them from perceiving and experiencing love and connection. All nurturing environments are inadequate to some extent. This inadequacy is experienced personally and interpreted through the enneagram pattern. When this is experienced by the child with the type Two, they fixate on pleasing others, in order to be loved and feel connected.